Designing for the Middle Space: Intersectionality in Practice
Venn diagram titled "2025 Racial Equity Paths: Designing for the Middle Spaces," showing overlaps between POC Parenting, Queer POC Parenting, and Queer Parenting.
How are we designing for the middle spaces, particularly as we strive to show up and protect migrant and immigrant communities at all the various intersections—racially diverse, LGBTQ, trans, parents, and mixed-status families?
Read about how to practice intersectionality and see people as 'whole people.' Here is an example from Heidi's parenting journey.
A graphic titled 2025 Racial Equity Paths: Designing for the Middle Spaces featuring four quotes: Babies (and Birthing Parents) are Amazing, Sleep Deprivation is No Joke, The Long Distance Between Theory and Practice, and Average Doesn’t Have a Monopoly on Normal. A note below reads Race Neutral Lens: Lesson from the First Year of Parenting.
‘Race Neutral’ Lens: Lesson from the First Year of Parenting
Babies (and Birthing Parents) Are Amazing
The journey through pregnancy, childbirth, and infancy has been a blend of wonder, awe, and the everyday magic of biology unfolding before us.
Sleep Deprivation Is No Joke
I found a study showing that new parents lose an average of 3 hours of sleep each night during the first year, resulting in an astonishing total of 133 sleepless nights!
The Long Distance Between Theory And Practice
My wife and I took many parenting classes to prepare for our first child. However, there’s a significant difference between practicing swaddling on a doll and the actual experience of positioning a newborn for breast or chest feeding.
Average Doesn’t Have A Monopoly On Normal
Our baby didn’t conform neatly to the size, teething, sleep, or other milestone charts. As someone who finds comfort in charts, I was concerned. However, our pediatrician repeatedly reassured us—especially me—that these charts are merely guidelines, not rules.
A graphic titled 2025 Racial Equity Paths: Designing for the Middle Spaces with topics including gender diversity, whiteness in queer spaces, costs of parenting rights, and coming out. Footer: Equity Lens: Lessons from the First Year of Parenting as Queer Parents.
Equity Lens: Lessons from the First Year of Parenting as Queer Parents
The Beauty Of Gender & Family Structure Diversity
We felt incredibly fortunate to discover a queer parenting space that offered a supportive community from conception through infancy. One of the most beautiful aspects of this space was the remarkable diversity in gender identities and family structures within the community. Witnessing so many different ways to build and nurture a family was inspiring.
The Overwhelming Whiteness Of Queer Spaces
A challenge we’ve faced in queer parenting spaces is that they often tend to be disproportionately white. While we value the connections we’ve formed with other queer families, being a queer family of color presents unique experiences and needs that aren’t always fully recognized or understood in these spaces. This gap is something we continue to navigate.
Additional Costs For Equal Legal Parenting Rights
Babies are costly, and we all deserve universal healthcare, postpartum support, paid family leave, and affordable childcare! Our family is privileged to have the resources for the numerous expenses associated with raising a baby, but we also encounter additional costs as a queer family. Long before the recent presidential election, we decided to pursue a Second-Parent Adoption. It required time, money, and the discomfort of a home visit, but securing legal recognition of my role as a non-biological parent was worthwhile. This step provides an essential layer of protection, even though its recognition varies across U.S. states
Continually Coming Out & Intrusive Questions
The continual coming out surprised me, especially since we live in a very queer-friendly city. However, I realized that every time I had an appointment for our baby, I needed to explain my “relationship to the child” and my wife’s relationship to the child. Most of the time, it was fine, but there is a brief moment when I have to ask myself if it’s safe to disclose this information. As for the intrusive questions, everyone seems curious about how we conceived. It’s as if people have an irresistible itch of curiosity, but these questions can be exhausting and invasive—especially for someone who is adopted. If we’re close, you already know our conception story. If we haven’t shared it, my sister’s response, “Love and science,” is the perfect way to honor both our journey and our boundaries.
A graphic titled 2025 Racial Equity Paths: Designing for the Middle Spaces with four topics: The Power of Tender Community Care, The Gap for Queer Parents of Color, Shallow Racial Representation, and Multiracial Families are More than White + POC. At the bottom, a section labeled Racial Equity Lens: Lessons from the First Year of Parenting as Parents of Color.
Racial Equity Lens: Lessons from the First Year of Parenting as Parents of Color
The Power Of Tender Community Care
Our community showed up for us in ways that filled us with gratitude. We had no expectations for how people might support us, but they came through in the most tender ways. We cried while enjoying the first homemade meal that was delivered to our doorstep. Friends took Sitka—our beloved dog and firstborn—for walks and showered her with affection. They cleaned our house, held our baby so we could finally rest, sent baby supplies we didn’t even know we needed, and celebrated our joy by eagerly anticipating the weekly photos we sent. The love and care we received made us feel embraced in ways we will never forget.
The Gap For Queer Parents Of Color
While queer spaces often lack racial diversity, most spaces of color are predominantly straight. This raises the question: where are the spaces for queer parents of color? Where are the communities that embody the intersection of these identities?
Shallow Racial Representation
Representation in children’s books has advanced, especially in featuring people of color. However, it’s still insufficient. Frequently, diverse characters are added to narratives that are still entrenched in a white-dominant culture. It feels superficial, much like bilingual Korean–English books where the Korean text is merely a direct translation of an English story, complete with illustrations that don’t capture a Korean context.
Multiracial Families Are More Than White + POC
As a multiracial family (Latina and Asian), we yearn for stories, spaces, and connections that reflect our family’s experience. While multiracial families are becoming more visible, the narrative often defaults to a portrayal of white parents and parents of color. Yet, multiracial families encompass so much more. We know many families of color who bridge different communities, and we desire stories and spaces that capture this richness—where the full spectrum of multiracial experiences can be celebrated and recognized.
Graphic titled 2025 Racial Equity Paths: Designing for the Middle Spaces features topics like Embracing Love and Acceptance and Racialized Queer Parenting Worries.
Racial Equity Middle Spaces: Lesson from the First Year of Parenting as Queer Parents of Color
Embracing Love And Acceptance
Despite my many worries (more on those below), most of our family and community have embraced us with open arms. They celebrated our cultural milestones alongside us, asked thoughtful questions about the titles we’d like to use (Umma and Mama), and reminded us of how deeply we are loved. They’ve also stood in solidarity, sharing our outrage when we face homophobia or racism, whether directed at us or simply swirling around us.
Craving Third Spaces
Where are the third spaces for families like ours that honor and celebrate intersecting identities? We yearn for more spaces where queer parents of color can come together, share stories, and form connections. The necessity for Queer Parents of Color spaces is clear, yet these communities are still few and far between.
The Void In Authentic Queer FOC Representation
While representation for racial and queer identities is slowly improving, the visibility of queer parents of color remains virtually non-existent. One evening, I found myself with a label maker in hand, changing the title of a book from “Mommy, Mama, and Me” to ‘Umma, Mama, and Me.’ Though this small act made the book feel more personal, the illustrations and context still reflect a white mother and a racially ambiguous mother—far removed from our lived reality. True representation means creating stories that genuinely reflect families like ours.
Racialized Queer Parenting Worries
The first year of parenting is filled with worries—everything from "Is my baby still breathing?" to "Do we need to call a doctor for this?" But layered on top of those universal concerns are the racialized queer worries. Will our child want to attend Korean school? And if she does, will she be accepted or face bullying for having an Umma and Mama? How will she navigate her identity as a biracial, Indigenous Latina and Asian, growing up in a multicultural family that is Chilean, Korean, and ‘American’? When our elders and Aunties ask, “Who is the mom?” how will we respond in a way that honors our family and respects cultural norms?
Blue cover labeled 2025 Racial Equity Paths January 2025 Edition. Includes a QR code with the text Lets Keep in Touch! and the logo Equity matters TM. Copyright 2025 Equity Matters, website at the bottom.